Thursday, April 20, 2006
6 Days of Hell
I fear it is my destiny to have my life run by women.
In addition to the PMB I also have to consider the wishes of the boss, the VP of Ops. Affectionately referred to as a vile matriarch, she has always been a charming person to work for. She is knowledgeable, respectful, mindful of her charges’ well-being and in general a thoroughly good egg. Until she gets fried, if you’ll pardon the pun.
Burn out is a common thing these days, but more often than not people don’t summarily go over the edge one day – they just teeter on the brink occasionally before being pulled back into reality by the stuff they still enjoy about their job. In recent months the boss seems to be teetering very precariously indeed.
I have noticed a pattern to this behaviour. For 22 days out of every 28 she’s very nice. Then the other 6 days she’ll question everything. For those 6 days she will contradict everyone, regardless of her total lack of knowledge in their of expertise. For those 6 days she will micro-manage to the point of insanity. For those 6 days she will create so much tension that the entire team are at each other’s throats.
Strangely, those 6 days out of every 28 she eats McDonalds every day. Apparently Big Macs turn you into a complete bitch.
Monday, April 10, 2006
Aaron Neville's Secret Ninjas
“I can be your muse !”, squealed the PMB with delight.
We’d been discussing the blog as I’d finally owned up to posting the stuff I’ve been noodling away writing for the last few weeks. This was mostly due to the fact that I’d got a referring link from inside a Google mail, so someone must have thought the tosh I scribble down here worthy enough to pass onto someone else. That or he/she was an English teacher demonstrating how not to write. Either way, in some strange sad way this excited me and we got talking about it.
“You see”, she said, “people obviously want to read about the PMB ! I can give you ideas”. Tragically she missed the notion that after 6 years of marriage I already have enough material for two screenplays and a small novel.
Now I love humour that’s a little abstract and surreal, but that’s what happens when you grow up on Monty Python, The Goodies and other such stuff. For example, I think that the following is one of the funniest things in the world. Ever. Ever volume 2.
“Whilst pondering his excessive flatulence Mr Grimsby was delighted to find his new girlfriend had no sense of smell.”
No idea why I like it so much. I like the “flowery” language, I like the rhythm, I like the concept of it and, of course, farts are funny. But still, added together it’s more than the sum of it’s parts somehow and it makes me chuckle. The PMB though is just light years beyond this.
PMB : “I can give you my ideas when I come out of the bathroom, that’s where I always get my good ideas !”
Pete : “Keep talking dear, it’s just writing itself right. In fact, just talk into a tape recorder now so I can transcribe it later”
PMB : “What was I talking about at work last week ? Oh yes, in a fight between Mr Miyagi and Aaron Neville, who would kick the other’s arse ?”
Pete : “Mr Miyagi, obviously.”
PMB : “But what if Aaron Neville has secret ninjas living inside his mole ?!”
At this point a number of my brain cells lost the will to live and jumped head first into the path of a passing synapse. Disoriented and bewildered, I decided it was time to retire.
