Monday, February 20, 2006
New Beginnings
The Present Mrs B and I have decided to have children. It was a momentous occasion. After 3 years of being utterly terrified by the prospect I finally figured that I was ready for it and perhaps I’d quite like it too. Since then it’s been a wild roller coaster ride of what you normally do when you decide to have a baby. In the meantime the PMB has been book shopping.
First of all I would like to congratulate every author that has ever had a book published on how to get pregnant. I could sum it up in 4 words; the first one starts with “f” and the remaining three are simply “quite a lot”. However, apparently women who are in the mood for a bit of baby making will buy any old tat that tells them more about it, and some clever buggers have managed to stretch those 4 words into 200 pages, pretty graphs included. Kudos to you, I’m off to sell snow to Eskimos, or Indigenous Alaskan Americans or whatever we call them today.
She was kind enough to also purchase a book for me, “Pregnancy Sucks – For Men”. In this tome a fine gentleman has been thoughtful enough to explain in excruciating detail just how crappy the nine months will be for me. Words like vomit, seepage and ooze crop up quite a lot as do phrases which amount to “you will be considered the scum of the Earth and will pay for your crimes – crimes like daring to breath in her presence”.
The strangest thing about this decision though is it all seems so easy.
“Let’s make a baby”.
“Ok then”.
I haven’t paid anything for it. Nobody’s done a credit check. I haven’t had to consult Consumer Guide or read the reviews at Amazon.com (“Nice item but be prepared for costly maintenance, plus it turned up two weeks late and I kept having to take time off work to accept the delivery”).
I haven’t even signed a form.
# posted by SideshowPete : 11:39 pm
