Monday, January 16, 2006
It's a Funny Old (New) World
I have long been aware I don't fit here. Probably something to do with my dogged insistence not to drink the fizzy, yellow water they call beer (it's lager, and not even decent stuff at that), or else maybe my utter distain at the lack of ordinary sausages at the grocery. Italian sausage, sir ? Chorizo ? Bratwurst, knockwurst, cheesewurst with a cherry on top ? I shall pass.
In my late twenties I used to get some amusement out of it as the checkout girls at the local supermarket went gooey over my accent (it must have been my accent, it certainly wasn't any other part of me), however lately it's all become a bit of a drag. The hand-over-mouth-giggles at the local Sainsbury equivalent are no more, and as I fight the urge to become completely americanised (see, I spelled it without a ‘z’, not there yet) I find myself kind of lost, without a country.
Whilst ensconced here I have finally found possibly the final, most despicable of all American traits : the attempt at a British accent. They’ve ranged from the obscure - “I’m in a play, we’re doing the Christmas Carol"; recites line an awful high pitched quasi-anglicised squawk - to the faintly post-colonial, and potentially offensive in the wrong hands, “Flying from Seattle at 2 this afternoon ? Guess you won’t be home in time for high tea then”. All of them however have made Dick Van Dyke in Mary Poppins sound like a regular in East Enders.
I do of course realise that it’s a semi-term of endearment – a way to reach out to a stranger and find some common ground on which to appeal to each other. In general I think the Americans like the English, even if a large portion of the US populace do tend to treat us with the faintly condescending attention shown to a small puppy. Slightly retarded are we, dear ? It’s ok, I’m sure a nice cup of tea will make it all better.
The PMB has long since stopped attempting it. Once upon a time it used to be a party piece (“narridge” spoken by an American sounds exactly like the real Norfolk-accent pronunciation of “Norwich”), and BBC America showed a particular trailer for The Royal Family so often that she could elocute “He’s gonna need changin’, in’t ‘ee?” parrot fashion in perfect Scouse, but the talent seems to have left her shores since and she’s more interested in nurturing a talent for being clucky. I must say she’s becoming very good at it.
There are the exceptions, course. Gwynneth Paltrow does a cracker of an English accent, and Squinty Zellweger has a fairly good stab at it. Once upon a time John Lithgow came pretty close and, to be fair, for many years I though all of Spinal Tap were genuinely British. But overall it’s a fairly miserable experience.
On the whole I think Americans should drop the whole English accent thing and stick to something they’re good at. Invading small countries seems to be a cracker of an idea these days.
# posted by SideshowPete : 10:33 pm
